FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care
of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are
cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens
the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you
as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should
need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you
to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take
care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of
them, but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and
shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government
fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both
and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide
who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two
cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached
for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps'
brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government
regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it
pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks
the
other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to
fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a
fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them
to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened
by your brother - in - - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity
swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,
with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six
cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells
the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The
annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you
from milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of
"ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering,
intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to
society) bovines of non - specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
You got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you
to take harmonica lessons.
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